Avoiding Perfection
by sweetprincipale
Summary: A Cordelia/ Angel short, smutty piece, that is set in an alternate universe kind of tagging off the one I built in "You an' Me Against the World". You don't have to read that to get the gist of this piece, but if you like Spuffy, you might enjoy it. Set in an alternate s. 3 or 4, no major angst, no betrayals, no Connor, just a moment of fluffy smut. Read and review if you enjoyed.
1. Chapter 1

**Avoiding Perfection**

**by Sweetprincipale**

_A Cordelia/ Angel short, smutty piece, that is set in an alternate universe kind of tagging off the one I built in "You an' Me Against the World". Set in an alternate season three or four, no major angst, no betrayals, no Connor, just a moment of fluffy smut. _

_Author's Note: For all the readers who like my Spuffy works, fear not! I will never give up the "ship" (how corny), I just had this idea pestering me, and had to write it down._

_Author's Second Note: This is my first ever Angel and Cordelia story, so I would appreciate everyone's kindness and patience._

_****__Update: __This piece has been nominated in multiple categories at the Sunnydale Memorial Awards, Round 27. Thank you so much for showing your appreciation for the story. If you enjoyed and you'd like to participate in the voting, I thank you in advance._

_Dedicated to all the kind reviewers who told me my Cordelia and Angel subplots deserved a story of their own._

_**Nothing of Buffy or Angel belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

** Part I**

"Morning." She said brightly.

"Morning." He said tersely.

"Coffee?"

"Just blood." Angel stayed on the other side of the lobby desk and let Cordelia root around in the mini fridge beside the coffee pot._ Don't bend over, don't bend over, don't- ohhhhh. Someone must've put the creamer on the bottom shelf again. _He turned away and pointedly studied the design on the floor. _Do not look at your best friend like that. Do not look at the woman you love like that- or you won't be loving her for long. She won't be around to love you, either, that's the real danger. Think about the friendship you have, how you can really talk to her, how she opens up to you, too, how she's not always like that, how can be a total bitch sometimes, and she spends way too much time worrying about clothes and money and how she looks. How she looks. That smile, that wide mouth, those big brown eyes- this isn't helping._

Resolutely thinking non-lustful thoughts, he turned his gaze back to Cordelia as she pushed in the setting on the microwave that he preferred to heat his blood._ She always gets that just right. Not like Gunn. You ask Gunn to do it and he calls you a whiny ass vamp who can get his own blood. Wesley puts it in those damn willow pattern cups that make your hands look like oven mitts. Lorne puts it glass tumblers, which means you can never drink in front of a client, and he'd probably stick a little umbrella in it if he wasn't glared down. Fred... Fred has this idea that blood is like soup and it's supposed to boil. There's a reason human bodies can only have fevers of a hundred and seven or so before they die. Not that this is human blood, but still, boiled blood- sticky. Like drinking some really awful syrup. Cordelia always puts it in a simple black mug, smiles at you in a way that doesn't require you to say thank you (unlike Fred), and it's always the right temperature._

Sigh._ When you're in love you notice all the little things._

* * *

_Damn him! Well, not really damn him, because that's literally possible for him, what with the demon... Why does he look so good in black? All the time, too, it's not like he gives me a break. I tell him to wear colors, and does he take the hint? Nooooo, not him. Mr. Bad Bar, one six foot chunk of dark chocolate. And if you bite him, you get the evil candy surprise, so stop thinking like this! He's your best friend. Your_ real_ best friend, and you love him, really, really love him in that really uncomfortable way. The way that you've never loved anyone before him, the kind of love where you put him_ first,_ before yourself_._ Where you don't tell him that the overhanging brow and the hair is totally working for you and you totally love catching him in bed with no shirt on and...mmmmmm. Although, the fact that I'm preserving his soul is also kinda self-serving, 'cause if I don't, he'd definitely kill me. Then if he ever got his soul back, he might take his own unlife in remorse, because he loves me too. I can't let that happen, he has to fight the good fight, and I have to be there to send him the leads. So I think I'm back to being unselfish. Right?_

She made a muted whimper and drained her coffee before clattering away on her designer heels, hiding herself in the back, ostensibly to do filing, but really just to do anything where she couldn't look up and see him. All hulking and manly. Did shoulders even come any broader than that? He had carried her before, why hadn't she taken advantage of that to do some shoulder research?

_Oh right. Because I was usually in mortal peril at the time._

_ I'm losing it._

_ If I don't have an orgasm delivered by something non-plastic or non-myself, I may go insane. _

_ If I'm insane- I might totally try to seduce Happy Equal Soulless over there._

_ Which brings us back to the original problem._

* * *

"Good morning cats and kittens- oh. I see we are just cat and kitten, singular. Where are the rest of the fearless fighters?" Lorne swayed into the lobby from upstairs, caroling out a cheerful greeting.

Angel grunted and managed a half- smile.

"Fred and Gunn went on a grocery run." Cordelia came back out of the filing area, back to her role as office matriarch and provider of coffee. An unselfish task that totally wouldn't have suited her a couple years ago, that she now did naturally.

"Tex can pack it away, can't she?" Lorne chuckled. "And where's our English Muffin?"

"He went to see an herbalist in Chinatown. He wanted help identifying some tea, or root, or something." Cordelia answered vaguely, handing him a mug, and trying not to watch Angel out of the corner of her eye.

"Thank you, Princess." Lorne sighed and inhaled. "Ooh, Jamaican. You know, it kills me I will never be able to fly on a non-chartered plan. I have always wanted to go Caribbean. I never tried Reggae at the club, but I think I could pull it off. Or maybe a little-"

"Lorne." Angel snapped at the demon now sitting beside him on the lobby's central couch.

"What, Angel Cake?"

"Could you just- stop? Or at least breathe?" Cordelia giggled from behind the desk, making his face light up. _She is the only one who laughs where I think a laugh should go, but never put it myself..._

Lorne's face transformed into a knowing grin. "Ahhhh. I see." He leaned nearer. L'amour est dans l'air." He mumbled in a crafty undertone.

"Stop that! I think she took French in high school." Angel hissed, but didn't deny.

"Okay, okay. So how do you play this? A quiet dinner for two, you confess it's more than friendship, you work up slowly over a couple weeks, flowers every day, maybe a nice pair of earrings, or just blunt, like the man of action. 'Come to my bed, sweet filly, and let me be your stallion!'" Lorned paused, winced, and frowned. " I don't recommend that last one. Not with Cordy. She'd slug you."

"_I'm_ going to slug you in a second! What the hell are you talking about? I can't- I mean you _know _there's never going to be a way we can-" Angel cast a darted glance at the back office Cordelia had retreated to, and then back at Lorne, moving his fist in a subtle slide across his chest, joining it to his other palm, representing the joining of Cordelia and himself, "_connect_."

"Oh pish posh, Honey Pot, of course there is."

"Did you finally figure out a way to make human alcohol affect you? Are you tanked or did you just forget about the curse of perfect happiness?" Angel glowered.

"Ease up, Thundercloud Face, I'm not drunk or forgetful. Although just once I'd like tequila to do its job and make me both." Lorne sighed enviously. "Not that I like to pry between the covers of your cold and lonely bed, but the curse says_ perfect _happiness. I don't know about you, but I've had plenty of girls who were amazing, but not 'perfect'."

Angel's mind screeched off the track it had intended to go on, but just for a minute. In a low voice, carefully hiding his amazement and overall disbelief he asked, "You? _Plenty_? R-really? Because not that I thought that you couldn't, I just-" Angel stumbled, "never thought that you _did_. Um. Often." _I don't speak to people. I need to get back to that._ "I need more blood, I'll be right-"

"Sit down." Lorne tugged the suddenly tongue tied, bashful vampire back beside him. Answering in a conspiratorial murmur, Lorne adjusted his collar and replied, "Now, since I've joined up with the good ship Angel Investigations, talent and time has been a little thin on the ground. But I will say that music isn't the only reason I love working in this city and living on this planet. So many ladies, especially in California, are 'going green', if you know what I mean."

Angel made a small noncommittal noise. _Even Lorne is getting some. Lorne is _green_. Lorne has_ horns_! And those suits... _"Okay... well, good for you and -color blindness." Angel coughed. "But I'm not looking for something like that. The way I feel about Cordy, that's different than the way I feel about anyone else. If I was with her, I would feel perfect contentment."

"Even knowing the whole time that you had a figurative stick of dynamite down there? That wouldn't give you a nagging little worry that might detract from 'perfect' happiness?" Lorne pressed.

Angel considered. That would have to play in, right? Or not. Not at that final blissful moment where he- ahh. His eyes went cloudy. "I tend to get distracted from other issues during-" if he could have blushed he would have, "_completion_."

Lorne stared. "You are just too cute. 'Completion'. You're like a snuggly great grandpa, you little dickens!" He would have pinched Angel's cheeks if Angel hadn't been scooting hastily away.

Angel put his hands on his knees and began to rise. "O-kay, on that note-"

"Come back. Your aura is screaming at me in big neon and plaid letters. Not a good look for you. I don't know how this thing with your ex-sweetie went, but it must've been perfect, obviously. Let us consider, Gramps, if you think that can be a duplicatable experience."

"I don't want to think about that."

"I'll keep bugging you if you don't."

"No. You won't."

"Fine. I'll just get out that recording of you singing _Mandy _and let that do the bugging for me."

"You wouldn't." Angel said in his "evil" voice.

Lorne put his hand over his heart. "For love, I might. And don't think you can scare me with your soul still on, Tall, Dark, and Threatening. You've met my mother."

"Fine." The vampire huffed, and closed his eyes.

Angel ran back over that gloriously sweet moment. It was the first time he'd ever been in love. Ever. _Real _love. Buffy, too. And they had exchanged rings. To the old Irish clinging in his soul and memory, that had meant the union was blessed and he had shown her he would be with her, a faithful suitor. It wasn't some night with a pretty lass with loose morals or a tavern wench, like his previous human dalliances, and it wasn't evil and violent like his vampire conquests. It was also her first time. There was something in him, he flushed guiltily, that loved being the_ first_. Removal of innocence. Only for once, he'd thought it was pure and holy, real love, real sacrifice for her, real worship of her by him. He'd tried so hard to stop loving her, but he couldn't.

She was so small compared to him, and he wanted to care for and protect every inch of her. He'd felt redeemed, a lover and a warrior and... just perfect.

"Do you need a few minutes?" Lorne's voice shattered that dangerous memory.

"No."

"Alright, I can see you've found the happy place in your mind." Angel crossed his legs. "Now, compare it to how you think it might go with the lovely Ms. Chase."

"Lorne, I can't-"

"Oh, buddy, if you don't, we might need to send her to another dimension, because the looks you two try to hide are actually contributing to the global warming effect. Polar bears and penguins are dying, and it's all your fault. Now focus, you big resistant lug."

Angel rolled his eyes and sighed. Once he got over the obvious delights of a beautiful face, cleavage to die for, and a rear that saluted on every step, he could imagine talking, kissing, tenderness, two people who trusted each other so much, who saw all the little flaws, who- "No. No, no, no, this is a bad idea."

Lorne looked surprised. "That was fast."

"Lorne, I don't even need to reach that 'perfect happiness' moment, I feel so happy when I'm with her... just being close to her would..." He trailed off, unable to find the right words.

"Really? That's a beautiful thing." Lorne said seriously, a smile hiding under his somber expression. "I had no idea you envisioned Cordy the same way you did Buffy."

"I don't! Buffy was less-, that is, Cordy's more-" There were those hand motions again. "Cordy has more 'oomph'." He pushed his fist in the air.

"Powerful personality. Very alpha female."

"I like alpha females." Angel said defensively.

"Do you? I thought you liked being the rescuer. You have a pretty strong knight in tarnished armor vibe going on all the time."

"I've rescued Cordy. A lot." Angel pointed out. _She's saved me too. From myself, a lot of the time, but that counts._

"Then what happens after the rescuing?"

"Well... she thanks me. Then she yells at me for not doing it a little quicker or with less life risking." He confessed, running a hand sheepishly through his hair.

"Yeah, thought so. Cordy!"

"What are you doing!?" Angel hissed, eyes wide.

"What's up?" Cordelia clicked her way over to the desk and leaned across it, her beige dress spilling open slightly.

"Oh, honey, you heard that new song I was working on for the gig I have Saturday?"

"The Stevie Wonder mix?"

"Yes, now, which intro did you like best?" Lorne ignored the "What the hell?" look, closely followed by the "I will kill you slowly and make you suffer" look Angel was giving him.

"Hmm. I think I liked when you started out with _Superstition_. Y'know, 'Very superstitious... writing's on the wall... Very superstitious-" Cordelia sang, slightly out of tune, absently putting pens back in the jar by the phone.

"That's enough, thank you Sweetie." Lorne praised her and halted her simultaneously, his suspicions confirmed for the hundredth time. "So, here's a thought," he began in a chipper, nonchalant voice, "your auras are both fiery enough to pull heat seeking missiles onto the building. Angel and you love each other and I think you're both going to implode if you don't go and find one of the forty vacant rooms in this hotel and practice your mattress tango."

"Lorne!" Angel bellowed.

"Are you insane?" Cordelia marched around the desk and strode over to the green demon.

Angel looked hurt. Some little part of him had hoped she might like the idea. At least the being in love part.

"Do you not remember the horror stories? Wesley and I didn't put on those skits just to entertain you while Angel was at Blockbuster getting the rental. Those were educational reenactments, living history lessons!"

"Wait, you acted out Angelus' stories?" Angel asked in a mortified gasp.

"It's not my fault you got Ghostbusters II instead of the original. We were bored, we had to kill time, I'm a good actress, it seemed logical." Cordelia shrugged and snapped off. She turned back to Lorne. "Angel having sex equals NO SOUL. No soul equals EVERYBODY DEAD." She said loudly and slowly, holding onto one of Lorne's horns to insure maximum eye contact.

"Back up, Princess." Lorne delicately detached her fingers. "I'm thinking there's a way around that. Yes, you're in love, and yes, I'm sure you're both prime specimens in the boudoir, but if you know not to make it perfect-"

"Lorne, this is really none of your business." Angel growled.

"Shut up, Angel. Keep talking, you green genius." Cordelia said breathlessly, suddenly intrigued, whipping her head to Angel then back to the demon in the snazzy sports coat.

Lorne spread his hands. "You're both champions, heroes, the best people I know. You deserve a little happiness. I said a little." He glared pointedly at Angel. "Not too much. Nothing _near_ perfect."

"Oh, that might be a problem." Cordelia bit her lip. "Not to brag, but I have been called 'perfect' in that area." She tossed her hair.

Angel groaned and put his head in his hands and then looked longingly out of the lobby doors. "This is so unfair. It's daylight. Why do you guys always torture me when it's daylight?"

"If you don't want to..." Cordelia said in a soft voice that was quiet, yet speaking volumes, rending his heart.

"I think I'd rather not have a third party involved. I mean with giving advice!" Angel's eyes widened. "Not with- can we please stop talking?" He begged miserably.

"Fine. This is the green Barry White stepping out with one last word. You deserve some love, light on the perfection. If any two people know how to move the cosmos around to help each other out, it's you two. I think you can find a way to make each just a little bit happy." Lorne backed out of the lobby's doors, leaving Angel and Cordy staring at each other.

* * *

"Uhhhhh... I've got to go... do something in the basement." Angel bolted.

"Get back here!" Cordelia ran after him.

* * *

"Angel! Angel! Come back here! Will you at least listen to me?" Cordy chased him through the dark basement.

"I don't want to talk about this right now!"

"You _never_ want to talk! But you're right this time." She sighed heavily.

Angel pulled up short, and turned to face her. "Really?"

"Yes, really." She walked to his side. "We're good friends. best friends. We do stupid stuff together, we're there when it's good, when it's bad..." She sighed heavily. "We can't risk our friendship, your soul, and everyone's lives."

"Yes! Yes, that's it. It's not that I don't love you, it's just that the risks are enormous." He explained in a relieved voice.

Cordelia blinked. "You love me like that, though?"

"Well... yeah. If that's okay." He backpedalled slightly.

"And what would you do if I said 'no, it's not', Dumbass?"

"I- uh- hm. Try to hide it and really regret saying it. Dammit Cordelia, I don't like to have conversations like this."

"We're having one, deal with it." Cordelia sat down on an old wooden chest and crossed her legs. "I'm surprised. You never said anything."

"That surprises you? Have you met me?" Angel cried, reluctantly sitting beside her.

"Good point." She leaned her shoulder to his. "Why didn't you say anything, though?"

"Because you made it pretty clear you thought vampire dating was disgusting."

"Well, yeah... but you and me... that's just creepy. But nice creepy. Creepy but comforting. If I got to pick the guy I fell in love with," she paused and considered, "well, no, he wouldn't be you. He'd be tan, drive a Porsche, and have offshore accounts up the wazoo."

"I think I liked it better when you just thought it was disgusting." Angel mumbled moodily.

"I wasn't done. I said if I got to _pick_. Love is stupid. It never lets you pick. And don't be giving me any of the sad puppy dog eyes crap, because I've seen what _you_ pick. Blondes. Evil blondes, petite goody-goody blondes, lady cop blondes. Alllllways an eye for the blondes."

"Right." He hung his head and studied his knees, then turned to look at the brunette beside him, also sitting in the same position, except he suspected she was studying her shoes, not her knees. "Did I miss it, or was that the Cordelia Chase way of saying you love me?"

"How could you miss that?" Cordelia looked at him with a highly offended glare. "You seriously_ never_ listen to me!"

"I _always_ listen to you, I just can't understand everything you say. I think you lost me this time at 'tan'." He glared back playfully.

"Lorne is such a dipstick sometimes." Cordelia sighed bitterly. "How he could even think we'd end up in bed together when we can't even say 'I love you' is just beyond me." Her voice slowed and her eyes narrowed. _Think about that. We can't even get through the beginning without botching it up. This is sorta the easy part, we could only get worse the harder things get._ "He might have a point."

Angel nodded slowly, hardly daring to feel the faint stirrings of hope. _Me and Cordy. Happy yes. Perfection, not really. Perfectly ourselves, but for complete, soul-altering bliss? Not gonna happen. She won't shut up, for one thing_."This might work."

_Pleeeeease let this work. I'd like to have sex at least one more time before I'm thirty._ "It's not like it has to change everything."

"Right. Or be weird."

Silence.

"It'd be _so_ weird." She stared at nothing in dazed horror, contemplating the buttload of weirdness that would come from having sex with your best guy friend, even if his soul and your mortal existence weren't hanging on the climax.

"I know." He grimaced. _No, I don't. My brain refuses to think how very completely awkward this could end up._

"We don't have to make any decisions today." She reminded him.

"Nah. Plenty of time." He agreed easily.

"Right. Unless, you know, one of us gets killed battling the forces of evil."

Silence.

Impulsivity.

"I do love you." Cordelia whipped around to face him.

"I love you, too." He was right there, taking her hands.

"You do?"

"I just said it!"

"Me, too!" She beamed, her voice raising to an excited squeal. "Oh God. That's so strange."

"No kidding."

"Hey!"

"You said it! I was agreeing."

"I didn't think this was possible- but you're talking too much."

"This from the woman who never shuts up."

"Are you gonna kiss me or not?"

He'd pictured this a lot. It never happened on a dirty wooden box in the basement during an argument. He held back from her luscious lips."But- what about some romance? A beautiful moonlit night, some soft music, some-"

"Yeah, yeah all that later, I've been waiting for months for you to kiss me, so come on, okay?"

"You've been waiting for-"

"Oh my God! You're like a freaking parrot!" Cordelia slammed her mouth closed on top of his.

It was so _right_, in an imperfect way. Because it wasn't perfection, it was just- them. Real. In the place where they lived, talking like they'd always talked. Or more accurately, sniping and avoiding like they always sniped and avoided.

She felt better than he'd imagined. He could feel the huge smile under her pursed lips, could almost hear the dazzling laugh.

He was different that she'd expected. Not as cold, and still so serious. But when she pulled away with a gasp, there was a scared looked in his eyes along with a twinkle. Like a nervous boy trying out for a part in a play, major jitters, but would kill to get the part.

"This could work." She nodded.

"I think it's worth a try." He nodded back._ We could be talking about switching what coffee we use or repainting the lobby. Only Cordy._

"But no rush." _Take me now. I'll just hold a stake while you do it, that's gotta be a mood killer._

"Right." _I can't stand up. And I really need some roomier pants if she's going to kiss me on a regular basis._

Silence revisited.

"So..." He studied the ceiling now.

"Yep..." She clicked her tongue to her teeth in gesture of uncertainty mixed with anticipation.

"What are you doing tomorrow?" He blurted.

"Nothing." She blurted back.

"We could spend some time together. Alone?"

She let out the breath she'd been holding. "Sounds good."

"Very good." _But not perfect._

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

**Avoiding Perfection**

**by Sweetprincipale**

_A Cordelia/ Angel short, smutty piece, that is set in an alternate universe kind of tagging off the one I built in "You an' Me Against the World". Set in an alternate season three or four, no major angst, no betrayals, no Connor, just a moment of fluffy smut. _

_Author's Note: For all the readers who like my Spuffy works, fear not! I will never give up the "ship" (how corny), I just had this idea pestering me, and had to write it down._

_Author's Second Note: This is my first ever Angel and Cordelia story, so I would appreciate everyone's kindness and patience._

_Author's Third Note: The next chapter is all smut, so enjoy the tidbits of comic relief._

_Dedicated to ginar369, Sirius120, Alexiarrose, omslagspapper, suchagleekx, cavemenftw, mike13z50, teddybear-514, Jewel74, Jackiemack916, and rosalea12. _

_**Nothing of Buffy or Angel belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

** Part II**

"Jumping from a plane and taking him to see the all-male version of _Hairspray_ was fine. I respect your credo that 'best friends do stupid things together'. But this is beyond stupid, this suicidal! I forbid it! I disallow it!"

"Don't get your tea cups in a bunch, Wesley." Cordelia said, though privately she agreed with him about the beyond stupid part. "And I'm sorry, who died and made you dictator?"

"That would be you, in about an hour or so of doing what you propose." Wesley said gravely.

Cordelia's face softened and sobered as well. "Wes, it's not like that. We're probably not going to do anything. Well- anything involving giving Angel the big happy." She tucked a strand of hair back in place with more self-confidence than she felt. "We just- might..." she blushed, letting her eyelids lower and her voice drift away, "have a little taste of something approaching gladness." Her eyes returned to focus on the concerned Englishman before her. "Gladness is lower on the happy scale, right?"

Wesley groaned and grabbed her wrists across the desk. "The fact that you're considering this is asinine!"

"I know!" Cordelia bowed her head right down to the desk with a groan of her own. "What am I supposed to do? I love the guy! And he loves me! Am I supposed to never, ever even kiss the man I love? I gave up a lot to be the good guy and the less self-centered bitch. I got headaches that'll knock your fillings out, I _never_ get to go to the spa, shopping is now maybe once every _other_ week, if I'm lucky, and acting career? What acting career? Giving up all forms of romantic contact on top of all that is a little much. And the same for Angel! He is busting his extremely beautiful man-ass to be 'redeemed' without even getting a little hug!"

"Oh, Cordy, I had no idea that you two were actually-"

"Are you _blind _?" She flung her hands out from her face in sheer exasperation. "Of course we are! He occasionally says thank you to me and he bought me a purse for Christmas! That's love when you're Angel! And what about me- I got his car detailed- and I didn't declare it as a work related expense!" She slammed her fist down and glared at the eyes behind steel frames. "I'm going to go upstairs, dammit, and make out with the guy I love. I _might_-" She set her chin and narrowed her eyes, "even get to third base." With a forceful, full body swish, she turned on her heel and started storming up the stairs off the lobby- then turned back. "Is my hair okay?" She asked timidly.

"It's lovely." He assured her with a bittersweet smile. She gave him a nervous grin in return, paused on the landing. "Lorne told you this was the right thing to do?" She shrugged and nodded simultaneously. "If he was wrong, you know I'll have to kill him. Shame, really. Aside from the suits and the fact that he allows Angel to sing Barry Manilow, I quite like him." She laughed once, forcedly. "You must think this is doable, or you wouldn't try it. You've never been the type to put your friends at risk."

"Thank you." She murmured sincerely. "I just wanna show him. I don't know what we'll do, I don't know if it'll even be more than a kiss- but I wanna _show_ him love. And I want some, too. Life is too short to only _tell _people how you feel, you have to back it up sometimes." She explained poignantly, her hands clasping desperately on nothing, all the things unsaid, all the things they wanted to feel, even the merest hint.

Wesley removed his glasses and his long jawed face gave her a look she knew well. It was one of those "you're about to go into a battle with unfavorable odds, but I believe in you" smiles. A little hopeless, a little sad, mainly proud, and a pinch of questioning her intelligence. "I'm sure you have a plan?"

"Yeah...if he smiles too much, I kick him in the groin."

Wesley winced. "It'd be kinder not to -hrm- involve the groin too much to begin with then. Aside from that?"

She flushed under her coppery olive skin. "We just wanted to spend some time together without the usual madcap zaniness. Speaking of which- where're Fred and Gunn?"

"They're on their way back now, they went to see some friends in Gunn's old neighborhood." Wesley watched her lean against the staircase wall with a faded version of her boisterous smile. He had once been captivated by the glamour and beauty of the old Cordelia. He could see traces of it under the wise cracking, self-sacrificing champion before him. "If you think Angel could wait for your 'alone time' for just a little longer, maybe I have a few things to help make your evening," he winked, "less than perfect."

* * *

Angel paced. He poked the pasta he'd made, stared doubtfully at the tomato sauce heating up and flicked the flame up higher underneath it, looked at the wine he'd "borrowed" out of Wesley's rooms- complete with IOU-, and paced again. "This is a mistake. This is stupid. This is risky. This is a stupid, risky mistake. I bet Cordy realized it, too. That it's for the best that we don't change our relationship too much, that we don't even meet tonight, or even-"

"It's me!" Cordelia called outside the door to his suite.

"Oh, thank you." He hissed at the celestial powers, and tugged on the front of his black button down shirt, ran fingers through his perfectly gelled hair, then opened the door. "Hel- wow." Angel blinked. "You look... wow."

Cordelia preened. "Do you like it? It's not new, but I think it's accessorized nicely." She stepped into the room with a flounce and a twirl, showing off a black top with silver threads running through it, to match the little silver cross dangling in her cleavage, showed off because her shirt was unbuttoned to dangerous levels. To finish the look was a tight red pair of pants that hugged her hips, and beautiful, impractically high heels that seemed to scream 'do me'.

Which is what Angel found himself wanting to scream. "Uh- come in?"

"Don't act all formal!" Cordelia chided and marched past him, through the little dining area and straight into the bedroom, putting down a large black purse/satchel that clinked and sloshed. "Overnight bag." She smiled tensely as she turned and saw him standing in the doorway.

"You live one floor down." Angel pointed out.

"So I'm supposed to get tossed out of your room after we have a roll in the hay?" Cordelia put her hands on her hips.

"No! I mean- no, no I didn't think you'd want to stay. Or no hay. Or something. I really, really am not good at this." He explained nervously.

Cordelia dropped her hands. "You don't get a lot of practice."

"If by a lot, you mean any."

She sighed and walked over to her broody best friend. "I don't have any practice either. But back in the day..." She winked.

"You were the queen."

"And you were quite the lady killer." Expressions of mutual discomfort appeared on their faces. "Bad choice of words, huh?"

"Let's eat." Angel said quickly, backing away.

"You cooked? I thought you could only do scrambled eggs." Cordelia exclaimed.

Me, too, but I thought," Angel scooted out her chair and moved to the stove, "it's boiling water and waiting for the pasta to start bending when you poke it. I can handle that."

"Good. I'm starved." Cordelia sat down and smiled at him.

Angel hurried to the small stove, lifted lids, and frowned at one pot. "You're gonna wanna call for a pizza then."

"Why?" She asked suspiciously.

"There was sauce in this pot two minutes ago, I swear. And now it's sort of- blackened tomato pulp." He said, mystified and hurt sounding, as if the meal had somehow betrayed him.

"You turned the heat up because you didn't think it was cooking fast enough, didn't you?" Cordelia said knowingly.

"Maybe? How do you know? Your idea of making dinner is calling the Chinese place." He muttered.

"I watch Fred! She's a good cook. She'd have to be, the way she loves to eat." Cordelia proclaimed heatedly.

"Well, at least I tried!"

"I know." She stood back up and walked over to him, placing her hand on his arm. "We don't even need to eat. Not like this is a date."

"Right." He squared his shoulders, and grinned. Cordelia really wished he hadn't. He looked so much more- edible- with a smile. "Just two friends."

"Hanging out." She confirmed, lightly pushing his bicep. _Oh sweet mercy...and he doesn't even have to work out._

"Alone."

"Which is no big deal, because we do that all the time!" She said brightly.

"Exactly."

They stood, grins slowly melting to awkward stares. "Ah. Wine?" Angel offered out of desperation.

"Yes. I mean, no! No wine!" _I need quick reflexes, just in case._ Angel faltered in mid-pour, rocking the bottle and steadying it.

More uncomfortable silence. Which she felt the need to break. "We do silence. We do brooding. We do not do 'standing and staring like two nerds at the prom'. Say something, Doofus."

"You _do_ look stunning." He smiled and reached for her hands.

The actress turned champion smiled prettily. "There, that wasn't so hard." She giggled and leaned closer to him, staring at the table he'd set for two . "This looks gorgeous, too. Although the burnt tomato smell is kinda starting to get to me."

"Oh, darn it!" Angel hurried back to the stove and turned off the burner, sheepishly. "Forgot to turn off the gas."

"And you with the flammability problem." She rolled her eyes and strolled ahead of him, past the tiny living room area. _Eating's not happening. We could... _She looked around the small apartment. _Not even a television. Just books. What are we gonna do, sit and read? There's that... or the bedroom._ She kept walking towards it, then turned abruptly. _Bad idea. Right now, mega bad idea. Oh God. I'm sweating. I'm sweating and I'm frizzing_. "Do you have a mirror in the bathroom?"

"I -"

"Never mind, I know you do, all the rooms do. I need hair gel." She patted her elegant yet sexy style anxiously.

"On the sink."

"I figured." She darted past him.

_Well. This is why I don't date. I burnt fifty percent of the meal. She's too nervous to have a drink. I almost started a kitchen fire and there's a faint smell of tomato flambé. Ooh, candles. Right, I was supposed to light the candles. And the music, turn on the music. What if she doesn't like Sinatra?_ "Cordy!"

"What?"

"Do you like Sinatra?"

"No!"

"Okay!"

"Put him on!"

"But if you don't-"

"This is supposed to be non-perfect!" She emerged from the bathroom with a waft of styling mousse. "We're off to a great start."

"Yeah. I guess we are." He smiled as he clicked on his stereo and carefully struck a match. "The main thing is that we both are comfortable. Just relaxing, you and me, no one gets hurt. Ow!"

Cordelia smacked him on the arm and blew out the candles he'd just lit. "No candles! Candles are romantic!"

"This is supposed to be romantic!"

"No it isn't!"

"Do you _always_ have to disagree with me?" He cried in exasperation.

"No! Say something right and I'll agree!"

"This is so pointless, you and I are never going to do anything but snap at each other."

"Because you're an old fart!"

"And you're a shrew."

"Shrews are- very beautiful animals! Like minks!" Cordelia huffed, stung.

"No, they're like moles, with better eyesight!" Angel pointed to his own eyes as his voice rose to a shout. "You drive me crazy!"

"Same to you, pal!" She shouted back, stomping her foot. "Oooh, oh God!" She sank down with a sudden groan, reaching for her foot.

_I don't even have to be evil and she's already ending up on the ground._ He reached for her immediately. "Cordy! Did you hurt your ankle?"

"No! The heel broke." She sniffled and helplessly surveyed the end of the stiletto, picking it up in her hand. "They were so new...and so on sale..."

_Shoes. Of course, Cordelia feels the accessories' pain._"Can we use glue?"

"I don't think so." She slid both of them off and stayed in a bunched up position on the floor between the dining area and living room. With a prolonged sigh, she closed her eyes. "I'm sorry I called you names." She muttered hoarsely.

"Me, too. I'm sorry about your shoes." Angel sat down across from her.

"I want to be..." She trailed off and tried again. "I like being with you and I want more. I'm so scared to mess this up, and I feel selfish. I never felt like that before, all selfish and unselfish at the same time." Cordelia struggled to explain.

"Makes you queasy?"

"Totally!"

Angel sighed and put his arm around her shoulders, scooting her up against him. "It's being in love. You know, Cordy, you deserve someone who you can be happy with, without worrying about 'how happy' you can make him before something bad happens. It's not fair of me to ask you to-"

"_Do not_. Do not even think of pulling that self sacrificing crap on me. You already sacrificed yourself numerous times, and I'm damn sick of it." She craned her head up to peer into his mahogany eyes. "You didn't 'ask' me to do anything. I _told_ you. I don't want someone else, I don't really want to want _anyone_ at all, but there you go. We do. You and me are doomed to be in love. With _each other_, which is like, so weird! But the happily ever after part is negotiable." She scowled at him and concluded with a fierce puff of air.

"How about comfortably ever after?" He suggested.

"This is comfortable." Cordelia admitted. "Except a little hard on the tailbone."

"We can go sit on the-" _No couch. Just armchairs. Not exactly togetherness. _

"The bed?"

"Right. The bed." A panicked freight train chant began in his head. _Bad idea bad idea bad idea. _

"I mean, like I told Wesley, just because we're in love and we're spending time alone in your room doesn't mean we're going to-"

"YOU TOLD WES?" Angel's shout rang through the room and echoed in the empty hallway. "Cordelia, how could you!?"

"I thought it might be good to have someone else know what was up in case you went evil." She stated the obvious.

"Oh, I'm going evil." He slammed the bedroom door after himself and stood, hulking over the complacent brunette vixen on the edge of his bed. "I'm just not 'happy' about it."

Cordelia pouted at him, with sad, melting eyes.

He deflated. "What'd you tell him?" Angel asked miserably.

* * *

_Twenty minutes ago..._

"She told you what now?" Gunn demanded.

"Just a minute. Hello, Lorne? I'd like you to come over. Yes, right now." Wesley reached under the desk and pulled out a big glass ball.

"Is telling our fortune going to help with whatever's happenin'?" Fred hissed.

"I don't know, Baby. Do me a favor and go get out that decapitating toaster you made." Gunn gave his girlfriend a nudge towards the weapons' case.

"Well, I don't care if the decorators are there, we have a potential situation- that you sparked- _here_. Yes, as soon as you can. No, you cannot just look at one more book of swatches!" Wesley sighed and looked heavenward. "Very well, you can bring them with you. But no paint samples this time!" He hung up the phone with a loud slam.

"What's goin' on?" Fred asked in her soft, Texan accent.

"Lorne encouraged Angel and Cordelia to-hm- act on their love for one another."

"Awww. That's so sweet."

"No! If he gets happy during the 'act', he's gonna go evil!" Gunn pointed out in a surly tone. Fred bit her lip as she considered, and hastily began unfolding her suitcase/projectile weapon/ toaster. "I'ma gettin' my ax ready." Charles said firmly, head jerking in disbelieving annoyance. "Wes, how could you let them do that?" Gunn stormed to the weapons' closet this time.

"She assured me they had no plans but to spend some time alone together."

"They already do that!" Fred paused as she set tested the blade's sharpness before setting it in the slot. "He never went 'grrrr' before."

"I don't think - hold on, it's ringing." Wesley pulled a piece of paper out of the desk drawer and tilted the receiver farther under his chin.

"Who're you calling?"

Wesley held up his forefinger and then grabbed a pen. "Hello? Willow, it's Wesley. Very well, thank you and you? Oh, I'm sorry to hear about that. Yes, I do always check the expiration date. Have you tried peppermint extract?"

"You're not making a social call, English." Gunn growled.

"Willow, listen, I need the spell that re-ensouls Angel. No, no, he's fine." _For now. _"We should just have it on hand. No, I know it needs a being with excellent control of magic, like a witch. Or a benevolent demon with the ability to foresee the future and read souls and auras, wouldn't you say? Yes, I thought so myself."

Fred visibly relaxed. Gunn did not. He took a whetstone to his homemade ax with extra vigor.

"You'll have to say it out phonetically, I'm afraid, my grasp of ancient Romany is horrible, and I'm going to be writing it down. What? Yes, of course I can read it, I just struggle to- yes, WesWPryce at angelinvestigations. That's with a 'y' in Pryce. You're a brilliant girl. Regards to everyone."

"Hi Willa!" Fred shouted.

"Yes, Fred says hi." Wesley smiled indulgently and hung up. "Oh, she says hi back, by the way."

"Damn book people." Gunn muttered.

"Don't panic. I've managed to get my hands on several orbs of Thesulah- after the last time." He grimaced and twitched uncomfortably. "Willow's emailing the incantation to me. We really should keep it on all of our emails. Possibly tattooed on our arms as well." He mumbled drily and sat down at his desk. "She's sending it now, Lorne's on his way, we're well armed, and Cordelia and Angel are taking their own sort of precautions, should things get out of hand."

"Maybe the Thesulah people make keychains? We could all have keychains of Thesulah. No, maybe that's bad. Then Angelus would steal our keys and our cars, and be evil on top of it." Fred considered, carefully calibrating the spring on her machine.

At that moment a single loud bellow- maybe it was a cry of "Yes" or it might've been "Wes", shook the third floor and trickled down.

The three figures in the lobby froze. "Anyone think that sounded evil?" Gunn asked, gripping his ax handle tightly.

"I don't hear Cordy screaming." Fred whispered.

"Maybe she can't." Gunn started up the steps.

"Shhh." Wesley held up his hand, listened, and frowned. "Nothing."

"Well, that's good. If there was fightin', it'd mean something bad happened, right?" Fred muttered nervously.

"Or Angelus is sneaking down the hall, ready to get us for dessert." Gunn took the next three steps at double time.

"You might be right. We can at least go do a little surveillance. Follow me." Wesley grabbed a large sword and several stakes and motioned them onward.

"I'm already in front."

"Oh yes then, let's follow_ you_." Wesley rolled his eyes. "Fred, bring that device of yours, will you?"

* * *

"You said _third base_? You actually used that term?" Angel was wringing his hands in acute embarrassment.

"Oh come on, I've heard about you, bad boy. You were in blood drenched orgies." Cordelia mocked.

"Back then! Back when I didn't have a soul and I lived for sinning! Now I'm just- we can't do that if they're all going to be downstairs wondering if we're going to be doing that!"

"Would you stop being so uptight? We know when Gunn and Fred are doing their thing, and we don't care."

"Yeah, but we just _know_ it. It's not like we're sitting around _waiting for it to happen_." He left the bed and paced in agony.

"That's what you're worried about? That they might be aware of us getting handsy? Of course I had to tell them, what if you went into sicko territory and then you were all sneaky and tried to bite someone?"

"I know, I know, I get it." He gave her a pitiful look. "But now I'm going to know that they know and I'll be wondering if they're wondering and-"

_He's such a prude._ _Enough of that train to nowhere_."OH ANGEL! YES, YES, _YES_! RIGHT THERE, BABY!" Cordelia tossed her head back as she called out in an impossibly loud, fake shout.

Angel let out a stifled yelp and clapped his hand over her mouth, knocking her on her back on the bed. "What are you doing?" He gasped in utter mortification.

"Now you can stop wondering if they're wondering." She gave him a devilish smirk as he rested over her. _Wow. He's big when he's on top, all up close and personal. Like _really _big. I wonder if he's proportionate..._

* * *

"Guess we can go back downstairs now." Fred blushed bright pink and stopped in the second floor stairway.

"She sounds, hrm rmm, as if she's feeling fine." Wesley, also blushing, coughed out in reply.

"I say we go interrupt them before he starts feelin' fine, too."

"You might be right." Wesley concurred.

No one moved. "This is very awkward, isn't it?" Wesley let the sword rest on the ground.

"I can just poke my head in the door an' say Lorne'll be here real quick, ask 'em if they can- hold it a minute." Fred spluttered at the end, a mixture of nerves and inconceivability making her laugh. "I just hope they're not doin' anything in the living room. I don't wanna get any images in my head."

Thoughts of Fred surveying Angel's undressed form prompted both men to quickly veto that idea. "You stay here where it's safe." Wesley urged.

"You're not getting an eyeful of vamp. I don't want you thinking of anyone but me like that." Charles put his arm around her.

"Charles!" Fred blushed and nuzzled her head on his chest. " You know I wouldn't! I've already seen Angel naked, anyway. When he was hurt in Pylea an' I doctored him up. But I don't want to see anything_ else_ happening."

"Well. That's a disturbing thought." Gunn coughed uncomfortably.

"I'll go. I've already had the unfortunate experience of Angel being in a panic and grabbing me in a half-waking dream. Before he was dressed." Wesley mounted the last flight of stairs, his two friends behind him. Then paused. "However, Cordelia might take less kindly to being interrupted and uh- viewed."

"This is insane! We're worrying about people's privacy when lives are at stake. C'mon." Fred pushed her way ahead. Then paused as well, at the top of the third floor stairwell. "Shh. I can hear something." They all paused.

"Is that Dean Martin?"

"No, man that's Sinatra."

"Does Sinatra seem evil to you?" Wesley asked uncertainly.

"I don't know, Wes, I mean some people say he was in the mob, but to me he might've just fallen in with the wrong crowd. I've seen it happen."

"I meant does Sinatra seem like Angel's music or _Angelus's_ music!" Wesley hissed impatiently.

"And I meant I can hear actual voices." Fred snapped, ending that discussion. The trio fell silent and cocked their ears towards the sound. "Arguing."

"Those two? That don't mean a damn thing." Gunn sighed.

* * *

"You could tell me your plans before you tell everyone else!"

"You never tell me yours until we're in them. And then it's 'duck now!'." Cordelia pointed out. "I don't know why you're worried anyway. Wesley will be sitting somewhere clutching and orb of Thesulah and praying for our souls, Gunn's probably carrying around a flame thrower and that big ass ax of his,"

Gunn poked Wesley on the shoulder as they huddled at the end of the hall "The flame thrower. Wes, is that-"

"In the hall closet off the lobby." Wesley nodded.

"Shh!" Fred waved them to silence.

"-probably got that weird killer toaster pointed at the door and rigged to go off if she sees you come out looking bloodthirsty and violent. But they don't understand- we're not going to let anything bad happen. We've come so far..."

Ah long pause, and then a halting voice, full of regrets. "And I do love you, Cordy. I didn't know what would happen before, but I do now. I won't let it happen again."

The voices had faded into indecipherable noise by this point.

* * *

"Cordelia knows us all very well." Wesley smiled.

"Sounds like a plan, too." Fred set the murderous suitcase down across from Angel's door. "I'm gonna go get one of the stakeout surveillance cameras out of the truck and rig up a triggering mechanism and closed circuit feed at the end of the hall. As soon as Angel comes out that door, I can nail him. If it's Angelus, I mean. If I can tell. Oh well, 's better than nothin'."

"I'm gonna get the flame thrower."

"I'm going to print out that email."

"I'm going to ask if you guys think 'Ruby, Ruby, Ruby Red' or 'They Call Me Mellow Yellow Yellow' is going to look better for the stage curtains." Lorne said behind them, making all of them yelp. They turned accusingly, Fred's hand over her fast-beating heart, Wesley with his sword pointed, and Gunn with his ax raised. Lorne yelped as well, and took a hasty step back, a book of fabric samples held out in front of him. "Holy Elvis, you guys! Wes told me I could bring my swatches!"

"Lorne!" Wesley groaned and pushed past him.

"Hey! Hey? What're we doing? Anyone up for upholstery comparisons too? Wes? Gunn? Fredikins!" The green demon followed them downstairs, his book outstretched pleadingly.

* * *

Angel and Cordelia poked their heads out of the door, watching a bright emerald suit charging after retreating footsteps. "There. Now they think we've already done it, or are doing it, and that proves they don't know anything. Happy now?"

"Happy?" _I want to strangle her. Or pin her to the mattress and make her call my name for real this time._ "Not exactly."

"Good." Cordelia gave him a satisfied smile and pulled him back into the room, shut the door, and locked it behind them.

_To be continued..._


	3. Chapter 3

**Avoiding Perfection**

**by Sweetprincipale**

_A Cordelia/ Angel short, smutty piece, that is set in an alternate universe kind of tagging off the one I built in "You an' Me Against the World". Set in an alternate season three or four, no major angst, no betrayals, no Connor, just a moment of fluffy smut. _

_Author's Note: This is my first ever Angel and Cordelia story, so I would appreciate everyone's kindness and patience. References from You an' Me Against the World are used in this chapter, so if you're going: "What? They never did that." Yes, they did, just in my little universe. _

_Author's Second Note: I'm taking several days off (that's the plan anyway), so I wanted to leave a little weekend update before I went._

_Smut warning! Fumbling, incomplete smut, but smut! You were warned. _

_Dedicated to ginar369, Sirius120, Alexiarrose, Dlillith21, omslagspapper, suchagleekx, cavemenftw, mike13z50, teddybear-514, Jewel74, Jackiemack916, Lyzzybelle, and rosalea12. _

_**Nothing of Buffy or Angel belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine.**_

** Part III**

"We've slept in the same bed before." Angel laughed off his sudden trepidation about reentering the bedroom.

"When I was in the hospital and you wouldn't leave? I don't think that counts as 'in' the same bed. More like you kneeling by it for twenty four hours straight." Cordelia smiled at him warmly all the same.

"We do the vigil thing." Angel shrugged. She'd done it for him, too. Never in hospitals, always in his own bed, sometimes chained to it ( in the case of pill-induced evil moments) or too weak to move out of it. She was always the first face he saw when he came to.

"Oh, you meant that day in the hotel after we went sky diving."

"Sky diving makes it sound fun, Cordelia." He said sternly, sitting down next to her on the bed. "Call it jumping out of a plane. That has the more appropriate horrifying ring to it."

"You loved it! You screamed all the way down." She playfully pushed his arm. _Oh Mama. Muscles the size of freaking footballs. Breathe. Breathe._

"I was screaming in terror!" Angel corrected, and then tossed on, "And you can't ever tell Gunn I admitted that."

"He already knows." Cordelia crossed her legs and looked at him. Shy smiles peeped out on both their faces. "You told me you were going to take the couch."

"I didn't know the cheap little motel didn't have couches. You tried to make me sleep on the floor."

"You vamped! You tried to intimidate your best friend."

"I think it was entitled, that once." Angel chuckled. "Man... if vampires could pee their pants- we could never have returned the jumpsuit."

The smile turned to a guffaw. "You're a total cover hog."

"You drool in your sleep."

"You're cold."

He looked at her pleadingly. "I really don't try to be, Cor, especially around you. I think it's more like antisocial but with good reason."

"I meant you have no body heat." She lightly reached out and put her hand on his face. He jumped, not enough to see, but enough for her to feel. She kept her hand there, and like patient person who's trying to help a feral cat who's been kicked once too often, Cordelia finally was rewarded by the dark brown eyes flickering shut and the cheek resting fully on her palm.

"I can warm up." He whispered. "I just try not to."

"I'm not exactly warm either." She licked her drying out lips. "If you're always the pretty rich girl- you can't let people too close, or they find out you're a normal girl- who happens to have money and genetic superiority."

Angel's face had softened to the extent of soppiness, but the last words made his lips twitch back up, giving the overall impression of contentment, a relaxed, small smile. "I like the regular girl. She puts up with weird stuff."

"Like you?"

"I meant my life, but yeah, me too." His forehead now pressed lightly to hers. Eyes met, fluttered, mouths opened, closed when words would only get in the way, and then collided.

They didn't pull apart quickly, like they had yesterday afternoon in the basement. The kiss deepened, and jaws relaxed. Bountiful breasts heaved a couple times, and then "wham". As Cordelia had said earlier, things got "handsy".

"I don't want to push anything." Angel held in a moan as he found her hands up in his hair. His own were mauling her back, wishing for two less garments to be in the way.

"No, not at all." Cordelia tilted her head back and gasped when room temperature lips sucked on her jawline, then neck. _Oh wow. He's good at that. Never knew a neck could be so tingly feeling. Or that this spot could be- _"Hey!"

"I wasn't!" Angel withdrew his hands and held them up with a shout, lying through his teeth._ She always knows, too._ "Okay, I was, but just because," he coughed and rolled his eyes up innocently, "I was curious to see if it opened in the back or the front."

"Not my bra, idiot- and it hooks in the back, for future reference," she interjected, "I meant my neck! No neck sucking."

"I was not sucking, I was_ kissing_. And you liked it. You almost took my hair out by the roots." Angel smoothed the back of his do.

"If I see any fangs tonight, you are going to be one sorry vampire." Cordelia lifted her silver cross pointedly.

Angel twisted his head uncomfortably. He didn't mind such a small symbol too much, and in human form, he didn't mind it as much as in demon form. But it was resting right between the two best breasts in the world. "Do you think we could get rid of that for a little bit?"

"No! Rookie mistake!"

"Cordy." Angel pulled away from her, controlling a sudden surge of grouchiness with an effort, "you have to trust me, a little."

Drawing her knees up under her, Cordelia swiftly sat on her calves in front of him, hooking her fingers along his neck, to look deep in his eyes. "I trust you with my life. I trust you with my heart. I don't trust Angelus at all, and I'm afraid he might come out if either one of us relaxes too much."

His hands rested on either hip as he looked up at her. "You shouldn't have to be worried when you- get close to someone." He struggled over the euphemism for making love, because he wasn't sure if they intended to go "all the way" or not.

"Don't you worry all the time, about even letting someone get close?"

"Yes. But that's my punishment, my burden." He struggled for a minute, and pushed her form gently back. She scooted even closer, hand gripping his hair now, forcing his head to meet her torso, chocolate eyes to find their mates.

"Best friends share burdens. You worry about letting someone in, I worry about what happens when you do, we both worry about the in between. I wouldn't trade you for all the worry in the world. Now stop pushing me away. It's never worked before."

Well, he rarely listened to anyone but her. She rarely thought about anyone besides herself before him. It was a good fit. He stopped pushing. She stopped talking.

_This is going to be okay, whatever it is. Because I can't be completely happy when I know the person I love is risking everything for me, just for a few moments of intimacy. _She rasped his name between kisses, and pushed herself deeper against his chest, hungrily. He amended his thought. _For a few _hours_ of happiness. She's so soft. And smoldery. _He found pleasure in watching her eyes turn from a deep brown to black coffee in passion, found himself stepping up with more confidence, a lothario who still remembers his way around the dance floor after a few years of sitting on the sidelines.

Cordelia let out a breathless giggle as she found herself pushed backwards, still attached at the lips, eager hands rolling off his black shirt, revealing gorgeous, broad shoulders, a mass of cream colored skin that made her inner feline beg to lick it all over.

He smiled too, eyes alight, a nonexistent pulse still managing to pound inside him as she arched her spine up. Tentative hands paused at the bottom button of her shirt.

She grinned wickedly. "You start at the bottom, I'll take the top, meet you in the middle." She giggled again, and started popping the buttons apart as fast as possible.

"I have a new love for teamwork." Angel tussled with some of the catches, big hands on delicate buttons, cautious, because not even a champion dared to rip part of the Chase wardrobe.

"I told you you needed me." She panted in a mixture of nervousness and eagerness, last button flicked open, spread to expose a deep natural tan and glittering black bra.

"Wow." His own voice was labored. "That's quite a- they make glittery?- wow." His compliment slash questions died back to a short simple word. Primal urges wanted to take over. He squashed them as best he could. "It matches your shirt." He made a final desperate statement to hold onto some form of intelligent communication.

"You should see what else it matches, Big Boy." Cordelia let him help her up to her knees, and he fell back, drinking in the sight of her. "I got the set last year, I never thought I'd get to wear them." She slid one arm from its sleeve, and shouldered off the other one, hands now on the waist of her red leather low riders.

Angel was scooting up and back, away from her, eyes wide. "What the hell is that?" He demanded, pointing to her left arm.

"Huh? Oh this." Cordelia followed his hand. "Wes let me borrow it. He had to modify it a little, but I kinda like it." Cordelia flexed her now bared arm, showing off a brace made of leather, with some small round mechanism above the wrist, a short, pencil width piece of wood connecting the two straps.

"Is that a stake?" Angel blinked, mind refusing to process all the words she'd said, focused only on the narrow, pointed piece of wood aiming out across her forearm.

"Oak heart. Small but really sturdy." Cordelia nodded. She made a fist and flexed her fingers, in some sort of lethal ballet move, up and across her chest. "I think it's sort of sexy, in a warrior woman way."

"It's leather and weapons." Angel watched her arm nervously.

"Okay, sexy in a tough girl way."

"The bad girl look really doesn't do it for me." Angel winced as he explained apologetically.

Cordelia's eyes glinted. "Well, the bad boy look really doesn't do anything for me either. And I don't mean leather jackets and too much mousse, I mean absence of souls, so this stays on." The glint turned into an irritated glare at his obliviousness. "Are you telling me this _whole_ time you didn't even feel it? You were all over me a minute ago!"

"I didn't really notice your arms." _That sounds nice and breast-obsessed. Oh. Angry eyes. _"I think at one point I did feel something out of place, and I thought maybe it was some sort of new fad in bracelets."

She raised her eyebrows. "You thought I would wear _straps_ on my arms?" _And not roll up my sleeves? Hello, what is the point of having new jewelry and not showing it off?_

_She can't want to discuss clothes right now. But it's Cordy. Of course she does._"You wore a shirt made out of feathers once, how do I know what you'd wear?"

"Those were not 'feathers', that was marabou and it was from Prada! Okay, a Prada knock off, but it fooled most people!"

"My point being, how the hell do I know what stupid thing you'll wear next?"

"My clothes are not stupid! And if they were- you can't judge mister. You have no fashion sense whatsoever. Black, black, black, black!"

Angel had scooted up onto his elbows, eyes narrowed, frowning. "Unlike you, I can't prance in front of a mirror for an hour every day to see how my clothes look! Black goes with everything!"

"I do not prance!" Cordy gasped, hand to her neck in offended haughtiness.

"You used to!"

"That was before you, Dumbass!"

"You like my ass! I see you checking it out all the time." Angel was now up on his knees as well, moving closer to her. The duo was alternating between loud, offended cries, and sharp, irritated hisses.

"It's a great ass! It's statue worthy! But you're still an idiot about lots of stuff!"

"And you're not? What about hugging me, rolling around on the bed with me with that deathtrap on your arm the whole time?"

"It has a safety!" Cordelia shouted, sticking her arm out forcefully, thrusting it towards him for inspection.

Which is when the bolt went loose, whistled an inch past his shoulder, and imbedded in the wall. Cordelia gasped as he dropped his side just in time.

"CORDY!" He bellowed in exasperated frustration.

* * *

Four figures in the lobby jumped. "Lorne?" Wesley demanded the empathetic demon's take on the cry they'd just heard.

"Not much to go on, Crumpets."

"But it's somethin', right?" Fred looked up from her wiring.

"Alright, I got a touch of frustration, fear, desire, lust that rivals an entire high school football team's, and concern. I _think_. This is worse than a cheap wine tasting, they give you a thimble full and expect you to be able to judge a whole bottle." Lorne groused.

"Damn... wonder what the heck she's doing up there." Gunn looked at the ceiling with a mixture of worry and envy.

"I kissed her. A few times." Wesley sighed. Three heads turned to him. "Oh, years ago. I was merely thinking... I wonder if I'd been a bit more persistent..." He trailed off with a bashful smirk.

"You want persistence, Buckaroo, you can start right here. I'm only halfway through this book, and none of you have any staying power."

"Lorne..." Wesley groaned.

Lorne was oblivious. "I've decided I want the bar stools done in cranberry- to go with my Sea Breeze. But what about the chairs? How much contrast do we go for to be striking, but not slamming?"

* * *

Reality had reared its ugly head and slammed her into the wall, along with the misfired stake. _I could have shot him. At any time. I don't know how to wear this thing, I wear crosses! That's jewelry, not weaponry._ "I'm so sorry. I'm... oh my God, Angel. I'm so sorry."

Angel wrenched the stake from the wall and stared. She looked miserable and his anger melted. "Maybe the safety's faulty."

"No, I'm just not the concealed weapons type." She flopped down on her rear, unsnapping straps savagely. A large, cool hand stopped her, closed over hers.

"If you're willing to take the risks with me- I can take the risks with you. Look, you didn't have the safety catch locked, you just had it down." He pulled her arm under his own and sealed it properly into place. "Maybe we'll just avoid the sudden moves on that side though?"

"I will if you will." She smiled, trying to pretend her eyes weren't strangely moist, a combination of relief and regret for the past minute's actions flooding her.

"There. That's secure." He let his hand linger on her arm.

_Secure is right. I trust him more than anyone else in the world._ "Thanks." Swallowing. Blinking. _We're secure. Just not in this situation, but if the situation means this much, do we keep trying?_ "We're so bad at this."

"No one I'd rather be bad at it with." He shrugged, not knowing what to say. _How can we complain about anything tonight? It's not the ideal date, or romance, or even the ideal relationship. But it's real. It's us._

Apparently it was the right thing to say, in spite of his uncertainty. She flung herself back in his arms, and everything was forgotten for several heated moments of kissing.

_Something's going to happen. Something more than kissing._ Cordelia's hand reached over the side of the bed and dug around in her overnight bag. _Time to get ready._

_Lights on. That keeps it friendly, safe. Unless she's shy. Cordy, shy? Never. On the other hand_- Angel groaned as the brunette over him shifted, reaching for something- _dark is romantic and it's not like it'll be pitch black._ He strained to the opposite side of where his partner was stretching, and shut off the bedroom lights.

Cordelia's breathing raced as shadows enveloped them. Her hand ceased fumbling and emerged. She sat down a stake, a bottle of holy water, and a cross on the bedside table.

The light clicked back on. "Seriously?" Angel looked at her, the precautionary equipment and back again.

"Seriously." She told him in a no nonsense voice.

The light clicked back off.

Shuffling, a high pitched feminine gasp and rustle of leather and sheer fabric. Deep masculine rasping and an appreciative chuckle.

The light snapped back on, this time by Cordelia's hand, showing positions and states of dress had changed.

"Cordelia!" Angel yelped and grabbed for a pillow, holding it across his waist.

She ignored that. "Was that an 'I'm going to the dark side' chuckle?" She demanded.

"No! It was a- you know." He gestured to her body beside him, now in a scrap of black at the waist, and nothing else. "A - a lustful, enjoying noise. The woman I love is..." he searched for an appropriate conclusion. _So hot? Just took off her pants? Is with me and it's been a couple years since I got any, and a couple decades since I got any before that? And why the hell would I bring that up? Lorne's a genius, he really is. This is going to work out just great._ The sarcasm in his head with met with the voice of logic which reminded him, _"Isn't that what you wanted? 'Just great- but not perfect'?_

Cordelia crossed her arms over her bare torso. Part of her was trying to forget her impatience to have him finish his sentence, and the other part was gazing at her new favorite artwork, "Angel with Pillow". _Because sometimes a bunch of leaves just won't cut it..._ "Angel?" She finally prodded.

"Because the woman I love is finally here, in my bed, and it's real." He blurted.

"Aww. Angel. Yeah, it is real." Cordelia reached over letting her hand caress his chest, work its way down to his hip. "It's us. You don't have to be shy." She let her hand land on the pillow.

"You want me to leave the lights on then?"

_Best friend. Broody best friend who totally acts old fashioned a lot of the time. I want to see that body. I have nothing to hide, I am in _amazing _shape. I am in string bikini shape. But dark is romantic. But in the light I can see his face- and aim... _"Sure." She finally managed to say.

"Are you saying that so you can tell if I'm snapping?" He asked suspiciously.

"No!" She lied partially.

He stared into her eyes. They had gotten to know each other so well in the last several years. But he couldn't quite read her right now- and that probably meant she wasn't being one hundred percent truthful, because normally he didn't have to "read" her. Cordelia was set on blunt, in your face honesty. Tact is for the uglier, less fabulous people, and to be used on clients so they feel comfortable.

How much compassion he'd watch grow out of her... and the first person she'd given it to? Him. Always more and more and more, overflowing with understanding for him and his struggles, all culminating, building to tonight.

He got up abruptly, turned off the light, and left the room.

"Lighting is negotiable!" Cordelia cried. "Angel?" She shook her head. "Never have sex with crazy people." She muttered. "_Angel_!"

"I'm glad it's negotiable, because I have candles, and I'm using them." He set down a trio of lit candles, two on her side one on his.

"But it's romance."

"But it's weaponry. Fire power, literally." _I think I just won an argument with Cordelia Chase, she who cannot shut up. _He gave her a smile in the flickering light.

She smiled back, and reached for his hand.

"I would never hurt you, Cordy." He murmured.

"I know."

"So relax. And- maybe we should just say this is a- an appetizer. No main course this time." _Where is a blush when you need one? _

"Okay." She nodded, pulling the covers down, watching him, now sans pillow, climb in beside her. _Holy mother of male models... _She cleared her throat and tried not think with the wet, aching part of herself. "Closeness is good. Pleasure can be a more spiritual thing, rather than a physical thing. Right?"

"Who said it wasn't going to be physically pleasurable?" Angel smirked. If she could walk this tight rope with him, ease his pain, no reason she shouldn't be suitably rewarded. Besides, that smell, the smell of her wetness and want, was driving him absolutely insane. "Be back in ten."

"What? Now where are you- oh." His head disappeared under the covers. "Oh!"

"Ow."

"Sorry!" Her knee and his nose had collided.

"Don't apologize." A hand popped back over the edge of the covers, dangling her black panties. "Hold these for me."

"You're not serious." _He totally skipped second base. _

Angel's head emerged, with contrite eyes and unsure voice, resting on her breast bone. "I'm sorry, was that too much? Too soon?" He made a "tsk" sound between his teeth, then whispered in a voice rife with embarrassment, "I really don't know the right order to go in, when- the destination is different."

"I wasn't complaining." She clarified. "I was in shock. But good shock!"

"Oh. Then...?"

Her hands rested on his shoulders and pushed him back. "Enjoy."

"I know you will." He flicked his tongue over her nipple and dove back down.

"Smartass." She hit his back with her heel, a light playful kick.

"Always you and asses." He mumbled from under the comforter. He cupped one of her cheeks in each hand, and kissed her inner thigh. "My turn for a piece."

Her eyes closed, then flew open. "Holy cow!"

"Mmmm." Angel wasn't able to articulate, despite his obvious excellence in maneuvering his mouth.

"Holy shit!"

"Mmm?"

"Yes, that's good. So good. So so so good." Cordelia tossed the covers back so she could see him. He froze in mid lick, like a guilty puppy caught stealing a bone. "You," she panted, and reached for his hand, which rested on top of her mound, "are _amazing_ at that." His eyes lit up, but she couldn't really see his mouth. "Continue."

He chuckled, closed hie eyes, and did.

"Oh. Oh. Ohohoh, been way too long." Cordelia squirmed.

"Ood?"

"Amazingly good. Now keep doing it. You'll know when to stop." He pinched her leg lightly. "Am I sounding demanding?"

He made a noncommittal noise whilst nuzzling deeper, shyness and reserve forgotten in the long missed taste of a woman. A real woman, warm, ripe, sensuous, juices flowing. The next best thing to blood. His demon itched to come out, bite down hard on that succulent piece of flesh.

His body twitched. _No! That's what you did to victims. It was never for their pleasure, only for yours. Wake up, watch out, don't lose yourself!_ He pulled up with a gasp.

Cordelia looked at him. "You don't need to breathe, Buster, get back down there." Then she flushed self consciously. "Caught a hair?"

"No! No, just um. Never mind." He tenderly kissed his way across her belly, upper thighs, and back to the sweet spot. "I just wanted to check that- I was doing what you liked."

"Like I wouldn't tell you if you weren't?" She reminded him with a roll of her eyes. Then softening. "It's wonderful. It's so good because it's you. And if you keep doing what you were doing- I promise I'll return the favor." She winked and laid back.

Angel's mind went off into a happy place, the dark but not evil place, the place where he kept naughty fantasies for weak moments. Cordelia "returning that favor" was near the top of the pile. Just thinking about it made his already hard body throb and lock in spasm. He took out the pent up energy on her, losing his reservations, but not himself, in tasting and licking and touching, until he forgot nerves or discomfort or worry and just pleasured her.

A finger slid in, then two, milking her inside, keeping promises his body made but couldn't fulfill. Some of the action he wanted to give her but couldn't without risk.

She groaned. He looked up._ God, she's magnificent, head thrown back, breasts arched up, writhing. I'm in her. Not how I'd like to be, but it's me, joined with her, making her do that._ "Love you."

His words melted a part of her she didn't know was associated with sex. She'd never, not with the jocks, and not with her boyfriends, ever had them say it. There was sex with a few carefully chosen A-Listers. Then there was love, in a few impossible situations where sex had never happened. There was no overlap. Right until him, and this wasn't even the whole package. _He's just that good. He is good, and this is going to help him stay that way. _"Love you, too."

His mouth went back to work, in tandem with his hands.

In a moment she let loose a wail of ecstasy.

* * *

The noise came through the closed circuit television, not echoing through the near empty building as the last several noises had. Three figures jumped and turned to the monitor.

"You know if you go up in the Heights they have places where you can actually see, not just hear a -"

"LORNE!" Three aghast voices in chorus.

"I'm sorry, I just think this is a major invasion of their privacy. They're a big boy and girl, they can handle this."

"Just diagnose, please." Wesley pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly.

"Happiness. Pleasure. Not perfect happiness on her part, undertones of longing and something else. I can't place it. Not to mention it was canned sound and only about three seconds long." Lorne informed them carelessly. "Look, I've seen Angel on the edge, I get why you're jumpy, but as for hurting Cordelia-"

Wesley's voice was cold and matter of fact as it sheared through Lorne's reassuring voice."One night, an aging movie star hoping to seduce Angel, gave him some heavy duty antidepressant, a mood altering drug." Now the voice became bitter. "One of the first things he did to Cordy was to insult her. Cordelia is a bold young woman, used to letting words wash off her. Angelus knew exactly what to say to make it sting. " Wesley tightened the spring on a crossbow he was recalibrating, and then looked up. "The second thing he did was back her into a dark corner and that's when I tackled him. I don't know what he'd planned to do. And I can honestly say he was only mildly affected. It was a placebo effect, after all." Wesley set the wire's tautness and looked up at Lorne. "So don't tell me he wouldn't hurt her. He would hurt her the most. That's Angelus' way of punishing Angel. He hurts whatever he treasures most highly."

Fred shivered and leaned on Gunn's tall form, letting him wrap her up in his arm. "I love Cordy and Angel. I want 'em to have all the happiness in the world, you know what I mean, all the happiness that isn't gonna hurt 'em. But maybe we should-"

"Alright, Doubting Thomases." Lorne stood up, his usually jovial expression gone. "Are all of you stupid enough to think I would tell Angel and Cordelia to do something I know would hurt them both? Remember- you're talking to the man who can hear the future singing. Ooh, now that'd be a catchy business card." Lorne's smile reappeared suddenly.

"You mean you_ know_ they ain't gonna screw up?" Gunn asked, openly scornful.

"No. Those two? Broody and the Bitch? They know this isn't some fairytale, and it's no romance novel, either. Ooh. It's going to be a bumpy ride on Air Angel, Kiddos."He laughed with a visible wince, clearly picturing some spectacular mistakes he could see them encountering."They are going to screw up _plenty. _Just not doing this."

_To be concluded..._


	4. Chapter 4

**Avoiding Perfection**

**by Sweetprincipale**

_A Cordelia/ Angel short, smutty piece, that is set in an alternate universe kind of tagging off the one I built in "You an' Me Against the World". Set in an alternate season three or four, no major angst, no betrayals, no Connor, just a moment of fluffy smut. _

_Author's Note: This is my first ever Angel and Cordelia story, so I would appreciate everyone's kindness and patience. Here we have less humor, more struggle, and more smut._

_Author's Second Note: Smut warning! Fumbling smut, but smut! You were warned. _

_Dedicated to ginar369, Sirius120, Alexiarrose, Dlillith21, omslagspapper, cavemenftw, mike13z50, teddybear-514, Jewel74, Jackiemack916, and Lyzzybelle._

**_Nothing of Buffy or Angel belongs to me, except my sincere admiration. However, this story is all mine._**

**Part IV**

"Stop grabbing my hair." Cordelia lifted her head for the third time and glared pointedly.

"Am I pulling it too hard?" He was instantly apologetic.

"No... but I have it all sexy." She winked and licked her lips.

"You look incredibly sexy." He touched her cheek with his fingertips.

"Thank you. So do you." Her hand wrapped around him and bounced. "Hard not to when you go around hiding this." _Yep. Proportionate._ Extra _proportionate. And that sucker's not going to end up inside and it's so frustrating! _As if to quell the rebelliousness she plunged her mouth back down and concentrated on that.

Angel groaned and closed his eyes, fingers automatically tightening in her hair again, wanting her mouth to stay on him, to please him and delight him, and mainly because he thought it was fairly safe. This opening was warm, wet, and talented, but it was about three feet higher than he would have preferred. He felt loved, and intimate, but not as connected to her as he craved. A little craving was good in this situation, right? His fingers resumed their tangling as he let her mouth work him towards bliss.

"Angel! Hair!" Cordy jerked her head up again, and pushed herself up one one elbow, the other hand making sure her cross remained dangling down the back of her neck so as not to accidentally burn any sensitive "man parts".

He recalled the other benefit of being safely tucked into her cheek. The voice stopped pestering him while he was concentrating on the sensations. Oh, he loved her voice, he was quick justify his feelings, just not in such quantity. "Sorry, Cor."

"That's like the fourth time I told you!"

"Oh... stop worrying about your hair!" Angel grunted and did the unthinkable. He reached out and mussed it. On purpose.

She shrieked and rocketed up to her knees, fluffing the locks she was so proud of back in place. "You. Did. _Not_!"

"I think you're so beautiful no matter how you- stop! Get off! Not the front, not the front!" Angel fended her off, yanking her wrists down to his shoulders as she deliberately skewed his spiked up bangs.

"Vain people should not have sex." Cordelia decided as he managed to wrestle her to her side, very nearly undoing the safety catch on her wrist, and making them both jump.

"Hmph." He made a noise of agreement and rand his hands down her arms, facing her. "You do look really, really good like this." He stage whispered, tousling her hair again. "Sex goddess."

Cordelia ignored the playful assault on her hair and preened. "Mmm. Well..." She drifted her hands over his scalp. "You always look sexy. I think it's the heroic face."

"Really? Heroic?" He lit up.

"Duh. You're my hero."

"Oh, that's not playing fair." His voice instantly dropped into a low, passionate growl, and he seized her, rolling atop of her.

"No?" She asked breathlessly. _Oh God. Naked on top of me. At the right angle this time. Oh come to Mama, Salty Goodness. No, that leads to badness... Oh please, when he's kissing me I can't think straight..._

"I save lots of people." Angel began to explain why her words undid him, also trying to distract himself from the fact that one of her legs just circled his thigh and was pulling it down to nestle on hers.

"See? Hero. Although the bragging is less attractive."

He resisted the urge to headbutt her. "I didn't mean it like that. They see me for two seconds, maybe a couple days. They see the good guy and that's it."

"I see the crazy bastard who has no sense of humor, really bad social skills, and a demony center?"

"I have a sense of humor!" Angel cried, stung. "You are so _blunt_!"

"That's why you love me, Doofus. I'm fabulous- with a few attractive flaws. Like bluntness."

_Only Cordy would consider that attractive. Okay. And me. Yeah. That's why we love each other. So hard not to show her more... _"Do love you."

"I know. Love you." _So hard to say. For both of us, really. Even harder to show, especially now._

A twin noise of frustration filled the room, and to dull the ache, they tried to lose themselves in each other again.

* * *

Kissing, rolling, his hands on her breasts, between her thighs, over her silky back, her legs wrapping around his, fingers kneading shoulders. But you can only do so much before you have to find a way to finish it- one way or the other.

* * *

"We need to- change things up." Cordy panted between kisses that were slowly sucking the oxygen right out of her. She was woozy, she needed air. Only when he nodded and pushed himself up above her, making sure she had all the air she could want, the hazy feeling didn't leave her. Could be the fact that doing that prolonged push up over her just made him look even more like a gorgeous hunk of Greek god she wanted to do nasty mythical things with. _He has to, ooh, I don't even know what he has to do. We need to touch. The good parts. We need to cum, no more prolonging this, if I don't get off, I may_ go _off. As in my rocker._

He looked down on her, all flushed, light perspiration around her cleavage and her neck. He was perfectly in control, he reassured himself. He was thinking very clearly. He was just thinking very naughtily. "We need... more?"

"Oh boy, do we need more!" She agreed emphatically. "Hm. Want me to go get chains from the basement?" She asked suddenly.

_No! Oh geez, how do I tell her that's an Angelus thing, not a _me _thing? I mean... I don't think we should try that tonight of all nights._ "I had no idea you were into that particular kink." He said carefully. "Not that it's a 'kink'!" Angel placated hastily as her eyes shot sparks that he could almost feel frying his skin. "After all, aren't all things in life just a particular preference? The-"

Cordy bopped him. Hard. On the nose, like swatting a cat that put its head in your glass of milk. "Ew! No! Not for that, in case you go rogue!"

"I'm not going to go 'rogue'! Geez, you make me sound like some sort of wounded circus elephant." He grimaced.

"How can you say that, when I feel like _I'm _going rogue?" She cried desperately, wide eyed. "I never thought we'd end up like this. With you. Over me, and wanting me like I want you." Both of them swallowed hard.

"I know, Cordy. Shhh. It's all going to be okay." He let himself down gently, not kissing her, just pushing her hair softly off her luscious face.

"All I want to do is pull you inside me and tell you you can't ever leave." She whimpered.

"You know I want that. You know I-" He gasped, words suddenly caught in his throat as her sinuous tanned calves locked over his taut cheeks, and pressed their bodies together. Not in her. On her. Resting over the wet pink split he'd prepared with his hands and his mouth, prepared and then left wanting. "Cordelia."

"It's not all the way." She rationalized, mouth almost trembling. Okay, yes for totally selfish reasons she wanted them moving together, hard, thick rod, not cold anymore, sort of skin temperature, against her boiling over center. She was so desperate to be filled she'd take this risk. But onto the unselfish reasons- Angel, in all the centuries of life and death, had only ever made love to someone he truly was in love with, once._ And that went _real _well. What am I doing?_

He pushed his head to hers and nodded, agreeing it wasn't all the way, and then he couldn't think of anything else to say. _I should say no, it's falling over the edge. I should say no, I could never help myself. But for Cordy, I'd try. She'd kick the crap out of me if I didn't. I should say thank you. I should say I love you. _

His jaw tightened and he laid kisses to her cleavage as it was thrust up, wishing he could look into her eyes and she'd understand him, like she always did. But her eyes were closed in an agony of want.

"Shh. All we have to do is move a little bit." One hand pulled at the back of his head, holding him close, her other hand lay sprawled back on the pillow behind her head, weaponized arm out of the way of accidental firing.

So he moved. Not in, but against. Hardness to softness, grating against, pushing softly, then building their tempo, indulging in everything he wanted to do to her- just not in the right place.

Cordelia felt herself slipping away under the loving assault, moving with him. Tip to nub, soft hips to thick pelvic ridges, over and across. "Ohhhh." He was splitting her but not filling her. Her muscles spasmed painfully, incomplete._ Well, that's the point, right? Incompleteness. Something missing. When something is missing, it can't be "perfect". So this is good. Except I'm going crazy._ "Angel."

"Hmm." He smiled against her lips, a strained, frustrated smile. The best thing he'd felt in so long, and in a way, the best thing _ever_. There was no torture of a desperate and forbidden love. It was him and Cordy - and apparently a heavily armed safety net force of friends- taking things to the next level. No pressure, just two loving friends who've fought so much, side by side, no need to worry- His mind gave him the equivalent of an electric shock. _Yes worry, what the hell are you thinking? You're_ not _thinking, focus. Focus on the fact that you need to worry like there's no tomorrow, or there won't be, not for her, not for your soul! Focus on caring about her more than simple feelings. Focus on what's at stake. Focus on- how amazing that feels- and how it would feel so much more amazing if you could just take her, make love to her until she was crying your name, begging for more, under you, over you, a hundred ways to be inside her, drenched in her juice and knowing you can never drown... _"Oh, God." He swallowed hard, and his hips picked up the pace.

"I'll see your God, and raise you a few other deities." Cordelia groaned, sliding faster as well. "In fact... oh, yep, there they are." She giggled breathlessly, eyes rolling back. "Definitely see them from this angle."

He smiled down on her, enjoying making her feel this good. _But I could do so much more..._Much_ more, and _I'd _like it better._ His head moved away from hers, working his mouth over her neck and shoulders, heading lower until his teeth tugged on the dusky skin around her nipple, making her gasp longingly. _See? Much more._

_Stop that! Don't think about the more, can't you ever be happy with what you have, the way it is?_

_No. That's why things are the way they are. The woman you love asked for just this much, and you never push Cordy. Well, not unless you have a really good reason or something really gross to do. This doesn't count._

* * *

Minutes passed, her peak came and went, small and quivery, an apex that only was halfway up the mountain. He held on past that point, pushing himself to give her more, jaw locked, head bowed.

Cordelia's eyes opened, as did her mouth, both in small, rapid movements, as she took in her friend turned lover. Angel rarely sweat, but she'd seen him do it a few times before, once or twice when he had been a victim of some spell or a poison, and a few times after some extreme battle or worse, torture.

_And torture is springing to mind right now._ Sweat was working its way from the walnut hair across the broad forehead and over the roman nose. _Look at him. He's killing himself. He can't die, but he's working away, not speaking, head down, eyes closed... pained. Why is he pained? Is he giving me too much?_

_Or am I not giving him back enough?_

_He's noble._

_I'm selfish._

_He loves to push the limits of the burdens he can bear. He taught me to start taking the troubles of others seriously. No one's troubles are more serious than my Angel's._

* * *

The vanity should have left him by now, with her. She'd seen him as low as he could sink, many, many times. _But that's what makes you such a mess, right? You still worry, still wonder what she's thinking... _Grunting and plowing against her, never inside, but always feeling that sweet spot opening to receive him- and he slid past it. With anyone but Cordy, he'd have given this up. He was making a fool of himself, chasing some pleasure he didn't deserve, little taste of happiness he should starve himself from.

So why did he continue this slick, taunting charade?

_Because whenever I open my eyes, she's looking back at me. There's no shame, there's no condemnation. She knows exactly what I am and she loves me. _

His hands had been level with her ribs or waist for this session of pseudo copulation, and now they moved up, he let himself lower. "You okay?"

"Almost." She gulped down fiercely, drowning out the voices in her head. _This is crazy, you've already gone too far. No. Not far enough, there's a line to cross, and I haven't seen it yet._ _We don't always have a lot, but we always use what we have. Dammit, we have more than this. _

Her hand was suddenly around him, under him, guiding him along, making him wince pleasurably at her touch. "Oh, that's better."_ Only now I'm not _on_ her. She bucks up like that- God, she's amazing- but she looks so stressed._ "Is this okay?"

"Mhm." Her voice was a muted, trapped sound, fingers circling over him, over and over and- then the plunge.

They both reared back, stunned at the sensation.

"Oh hell yeah!" Cordy cried in rapt appreciation. "That's what I'm talkin' about!" Finally full! After months of filling empty inside in more ways than one.

"Yes! Beautiful!" His mouth and mind took a little hiatus from his current reality, overwhelmed.

"Good?" Cordelia purred.

"Beyond good, you're amazing, lass. Yes! Oh, like that, yes!" He wedged himself deeper inside.

"Glad you approve." She giggled, then frowned. "Did you just call me Lassie? Like the dog?"

"No, lass like the prettiest young woman in the world." He grinned down on her, slowly sinking into the tightest silken fist of flesh ever made."Besides, I'm Irish, and in the old days that's what I-"

"No age references right now, I'm enjoying this."

"Me, too." His grin matched hers, twin beams in the candlelight.

At least for a second.

"That feels amazing." Cordelia moaned.

"I know." He chuckled deliciously. "_Really_ amazing."

Buried inside her, he froze.

Wrapped around him, she stilled.

Panicked looks were exchanged. "_Uh-oh_."

* * *

"I don't know about you, but I think things have been too quiet for too long." Gunn rested his ax across one knee, then shifted it to the other, pent up energy forced into one tiny action.

"I'm sure they're fine, or we'd have heard something. Right?" Fred's eyes were glued to the small television resting on the lobby desk.

"She wouldn't necessarily have time to scream." Wesley murmured in that distracted yet intensely worried way peculiar to him.

"That does it." Gunn stood up determinedly.

"Sit down." Lorne groaned, a sea breeze pressed to his crimson eyes. "Would you all please relax and trust my intuition?"

"Have you ever been wrong before?" Fred asked.

"Uh... not often."

"That's right, I'm goin' upstairs." Gunn was on his way again.

"Lorne, can't you get some sort of 'vibe', even without hearing voices or singing or something?" Fred asked desperately.

"Do you mean, can I 'sense a disturbance in the force'?" Lorne deadpanned in a voice a few shades deeper than his normally mellow tones.

"Yeah, can you?" Fred turned to him eagerly.

"_NO_!" Lorne shouted. "I'm gifted, maybe even 'clairvoyant', but I am _not _Yoda! We have a taste for green in common, and that's it."

"Wasn't Yoda, man." Gunn shook his head. "Did you even watch those movies?"

"Hey, I came to Los Angeles after they were made, I rented them on video."

"Would you both kindly stop yammering about science fiction films?" Wesley growled out, thumping his fist down forcefully. "Gunn, sit down! Lorne, focus! Fred- can you adjust the reception or the feed or the sound sensitivity?"

"Will do."

* * *

_What are we doing? _

Cordelia pushed his shoulders from hers for all of two seconds before pulling him back again.

_Whatever it is, we aren't stopping. We tried to stop at a kiss, at touching, at what I frankly consider some seriously x-rated touching, and now- _Angel broke off his steady pounding into her, and then resumed,_ and now sex. Actual, amazingly hot, wet, passionate-_ he let out a deep, chest reverberating growl-_ love making. _

"Just a couple more minutes, then we'll stop." Cordelia patted his back.

"Five minutes, tops. I'm not gonna last long anyway." He admitted in a harsh wheeze. Firm hands suddenly pushed him up again. "What? Too much?" He asked, puzzled.

"You're undead. You don't need to breathe. You have super strength. Where's the stamina?" She demanded.

"I wasted it burning dinner, arguing, and trying to resist your feminine charms." Angel glared.

"Still-"

"Do you want me to stop now? 'Cause I can do that."

"Don't you dare."

"Cordy? Do me a favor?"

"What?"

"Shut up. Save it for the stage."

"I would, but someone who requires supernatural visions to funnel through my _head_ ruined my career." She reminded him, a well placed heel digging into his calf, making him wince.

"Well, did you audition for soap operas lately? I hear they have lots of roles that just scream for 'bitchy'."

Cordelia gasped, reached back and fumbled for a bottle of holy water.

"I was just joking!" Angel yelped.

Cordelia dangled the bottle over her lips. " Keep pissing me off. I'll drink some. And then that thing you liked me doing earlier, the thing with my mouth?" She smiled evilly, "You won't like it so much anymore."

"Truce?" He surrendered, practically feeling himself shrivel.

"For five minutes."

"It's already been five minutes."

"Then five more!" She closed her eyes and turned off her brain, trying to concentrate on just feeling.

_Ten minutes later..._

It stopped being a back and forth. There was no more going back now, no more making jokes or jibes. They'd somehow realized they were crossing into a private territory they might never go into again, and it was too precious to fool with.

_I love him. I want to give him all of me, every inch of me. But I hold back, at least a little. Because if I don't- there won't be anything left of either of us._

_She looks at me with a look I've never seen before. _Honestly, in searching through all the faces of lovers and all the sexual encounters in hundreds of years- Angel could swear he'd never, ever seen this look. _She looks at me with so much love, and so much fear in her eyes, all at once._

_He looks like he's being chased, like he's running to something and away from something all at once. Boy, I hate this. Not him, love him. But talk about Mr. Complicated..._

_What's in her eyes, is in mine. I was never this scared in my life- that I could hurt her and lose everything that means anything. She's trying not show it, but I can hear her heart pounding, scared even to breathe- but she loves me enough to try this. _

Angel's eyes blinked, flickered in sudden relief. "Hey." Cordelia returned the startled expression. "I just figured out it's going to be okay." He whispered, and moved to capture her lips. But as per usual, they were still in motion.

"Why?"

"I can't be perfectly happy." _Which makes me pretty damn happy. But not in a bad way._

She rolled her eyes. "Again, _why_?"

How to sum up years' worth of feelings that had suddenly crystalized in a single glance? Flatly, like always. "Because if I do, I'll lose you." Angel murmured softly.

Tears sprang suddenly and completely unwanted to her eyes. _Yes. Duh. That's why we do what we do, this whole night, these past couple years, that's always been a huge part of us. How to say that without saying "Well, yeah. I figured that out forever ago, idiot."?_ Cordelia smiled into his eyes, blinking her own moist ones.

"You couldn't have figured that out before I dressed up like a slutty Indiana Jones?" She teased in a choked voice, moving her armed wrist and hand before his eyes.

"No. I mean, yes, we knew that, but there's a deeper knowledge now. It plays in my head, over and over and over, reminding me I love you- and there's something in your eyes that never relaxes around me." He confessed, a pained expression crossing his face.

Her face mirrored his. "I want to, Angel, I just can't right now."

"But you still come to bed with me." It was a declaration, not a question.

She nodded, barely breathing as she replied, "I love you more than I'm scared."

He nodded back. "I love you enough to stay scared. To not let myself sink into bliss."

Cordelia let out a grin of mild relief. "A little fear is good."

He looked guilty. "It was always an aphrodisiac for me."

She rolled her eyes. "Not scared like that." She grabbed holy water, unscrewed it, and took a swig. " Go on. Kiss me. I dare you." He only gaped. "See? Like that. A little fear, a little edge."

"I know. I was only trying to explain..."

"Don't explain. I dared you, now kiss me, sissy boy." She winked.

He laughed. "You're amazing."

"I know."

* * *

_Ten minutes later..._

"Yes! Yes, that's it, I'm right- ooh- ohhhhhhhh." Cordelia never finished her sentence, merely let the orgasm wrack her body, and squeeze him until his limbs locked.

_This is it, been so long, never been like this, oh God, this is going to be amazing. _Angel grunted sharply, and his motions turned jerky and erratic, head back, eyes unfocused, chasing the long promised release.

Cordelia watched the face transform, relax, inhibitions floating away, felt the juddering thrusts halt, the buttocks tightening- and slapped him full across the face, hard.

"Arrrrrrhh- ow! Hey!" His cry of pleasure turned to one of shock, though on autopilot, his body finished the job, spurting inside its snug paradise. "What? What was that for?" He demanded, so confused, tingling from erotic sensations and face stinging unpleasantly.

"You looked happy!" Cordelia justified.

"I was!" He was amazed he could want to kiss her fervently and slap her right back, all at once.

"Then I was right!" She proclaimed triumphantly.

"No." He explained patiently. "Not perfectly happy, just happy." _Still pretty happy. But wow. The moment, the worrying moment, it's gone._ He laid down with a grunt beside her.

The two heroes looked each other over, drinking in the sight.

Flushed, olive-hued skin, glassy eyed and sharp eyed by turns, breathing hard.

Pale, dripping, chest heaving pointlessly as their eyes met.

"Was it good?" Cordelia asked quietly.

"Very. Not perfect, but..." Angel rolled over to her, and draped on arm over her slender shoulders.

Cordy smiled her wide grin. "Mmm. Mission accomplished." She preened.

The pair surveyed each other for a moment in silence again, then she broke the post-coital stillness. "I'm sorry if I was too bitchy." She gave a wincing smile.

"I'm sorry if I left any bruises." It was a genuine fear for him, and a most genuine apology.

"You didn't."

"And you weren't." He cleared his throat. "Not more than usual." He took an elbow to the ribs and sighed. " I do. Um. Love you."

"I love you, too." Cordelia snuggled up against him, content. _Happy. _Happiness turning into a burning flame inside her actually. _We did it! And we're both alive! He loves me..._ She sighed.

Angel sighed in return, then frowned. "We have to be very careful about this." _Dammit. I was getting all relaxed and peaceful. Peaceful isn't the same moment of pure inner joy, that- oh what the hell. This is better. At least safer. _

She rolled over head on his shoulder, peeking her eyes up at him, the rest of her face hidden on his skin. "Oh, believe me. I get it. We could get into a habit, get lazy or sloppy and boom. No soul and no more alive."

He nodded gravely. "Right."

"So not too often. I liked just being with you." _True. All this time I thought the guy had to have money, power, a large Armani wardrobe- turns out all he has to have is the right heart. Although he's totally handsome and owns a freaking big house and a decent car. I think I did all right._ "We do okay, don't we?" She murmured tentatively.

"We do great." He tucked her up more firmly to his side, something that surprised them both at first. They weren't cuddly. _Are we cuddly now?_ Neither pulled away. _Maybe it belonged in the post-sex relationship. Speaking of which, _"There are lots of ways to- please each other without hrm- what we just did." He coughed.

"Yep."

Silence descended. They rested together, spent, mostly satisfied, not entirely at ease.

* * *

"Stop pacin, you're making me crazy, Dude."

"Sir Wesley of Stressed-ville. Be seated. Have a drink." Lorne closed his swatches wearily and tucked his pen back in his pocket. "Uh-oh."  
"What?" The trio of investigators demanded frantically.

"Wes, can you print out another one of these spells?"

Gasps of horror resounded.

"No, no, nothing like that, I just realized I wrote down all my color choices and fabric numbers on the back of this email." Lorne giggled nervously.

"Oh, for God's sake, Lorne!" Wesley stomped off to his computer. "Fred, how's that amplification coming?"

"I'm a physicist and a geek, not an electrician or a sound technician." Fred put down her screwdriver with a frown and a twitch. "And I think this is getting a little creepy on our part. And on their part. I don't wanna spy on Angel and Cordy! On the other hand, we haven't heard a peep in awhile." Her eyes suddenly got wide. "Wes! What if he turned, and bit her, and she managed to dust him in the process, and now she's lyin' up there, bleedin' to death, too weak to get help, or dead, or she shot him an' he's hurt real bad, too, or-" Fred's rambling train of worry derailed as she suddenly clutched both hands around her long brown braid and bolted for the stairs. "We gotta check!"

"Finally!" Gunn tore after her.

"I hadn't even considered they both might be injured..." Wesley raced behind them, sword, orb, and a cross stacked haphazardly in his arms. "Lorne! Bring that print out!"

Lorne rubbed his temple. " 'Help the kiddos', I said to myself. 'They deserve to feel love, they deserve a champion's reward', I said to myself. 'It's the right thing to do', I said. Well, no more. Next time I'll just tie 'em together and shove 'em in a closet. Out in Altoona. That should be far enough away..." He ambled to his loafers, and looked up the stairs, then at the little makeshift stash of alcohol beside the coffee pot. "Nah. It never helps anyway." He grabbed the spell and headed after his friends.

* * *

"Cordy! Angel! Is everything okay in there?" Fred bellowed, then blushed. "I mean- sorry to intrude an' all, but-"

"Yes, we're both still alive. And we have souls." Cordelia's strident, annoyed voice jarred them all back a step.

"How do we know that's true?" Gunn demanded. "Tell us something only Cordy would know!"

"She'd know it anyway, she's still herself, even if she's a vampire." Wesley muttered, elbowing him, blanching at the words he just heard himself utter.

"Angel! Say something!" Fred pleaded.

"Uh... Hi, Fred?" Angel's uncomfortable voice said faintly.

"It could be a trick. They could both be bad now. Or- he could be making her talk."

"You have trust issues." Wesley frowned at Charles, and then patted him on the back. "An excellent thing to have around vampires, Angel excluded. Usually."

* * *

"This is so awkward." Angel groaned, cheeks aflame, though not outwardly.

"You think this is awkward? Try getting a stiletto caught in a soft-top convertible's hinge. A _Mercedes'_ convertible your borrowed from your daddy- and a _Gucci_ shoe you borrowed from your mother. _That's_ awkward." Cordelia swung her legs out of bed, and pulled on her black blouse, marching determinedly towards the door.

Angel sat up. _She's seriously not. _

"Hang on a minute, I'm coming!" Cordy shouted, picking up her red pants, deciding she couldn't bear to put on the skin hugging leather when she was all sweaty, and dropping them.

_She is._ "CordyCordyCordyCordy!" Angel chased after her, speaking in a breakneck whisper. He almost caught her arm, and then drew back with a yelp as she flung open the door. He scooted behind it just in time.

* * *

"Well- can we get y'all anything?" Fred asked solicitously.

The door popped open, and a disheveled Cordelia, clutching a shirt closed across her ample bust and letting it flirt with disaster at the tops of her thighs, gave her a saccharine smile. "A pizza in about an hour would be terrific."

"Plain or with pepperoni?" Fred asked reflexively.

"Fred!"

"It's a good question!"

"Are you alright? Are both of you?" Wesley pushed Fred gently to the side.

"Yes. Now go away. _Far_ away. Well- down to the lobby anyway." Cordelia hissed and pushed his shoulder. "You're all turning into nosy perverts!"

"Perverts! _We're_ not the one's fuckin' the undead." Gunn reminded her hotly.

"Charles! Language!" Fred gasped.

"Sorry, baby." He apologized and looked suspiciously at Cordelia before smiling, reassured by the realization that she was still wearing her cross on a chain and he could easily see her breathing. Her chest was practically slapping him in the face. "I had to have my big sister's back, you know that."

"I know that." She smiled- then glared playfully. "But don't you trash talk about the boss. He _is_ my man."

"I am? Really?" Angel's pleased, surprised voice rang out from behind the door.

"Angel?"

"Uh. Yeah." Angel ducked his head, and only his head around the door. "Hi guys."

"Hi." Fred burst into giggles. "Oh! I'm so happy for you both. I'm gonna go order that pizza."

"I'm - I'm gonna sit downstairs. I'm still ready to throw down, though." Charles looked pointedly at Angel, and tapped the blunt edge of his ax to the wall. "Try not to hurt each other."

"Yes. Or the furnishings." Wesley turned away hastily as well. "The company cannot afford to pay for friendly fire."

Three left as one ambled into view. "Well, well, well. Hello, Lovebirds. Flying high are we?" Lorne grinned.

"Nice and high. But not _too_ high." Cordelia smiled.

"Good. Hi, Tall, Pale, and Embarrassed. You gonna hide behind that door all night?"

"I'm not really dressed for company." Angel pointed out with a glare.

"But someone sure is. Wowza. Cordelia, you look ravishing. Or _ravished_." He winked.

"See you later, Lorne." Angel began to close the door.

"Ah ah ah." Lorne held up a hand. "I need to hear something first."

Angel and Cordelia rolled their eyes as one, and then began to sing two different songs.

"The greatest love of all-" Cordelia's wavery, off key voice began.

Angel looked heavenward, mainly to avoid Lorne's eyes, "When a ma-an loves a woman-"

"Oh boy!" Lorne waved them to silence hastily. "Yep. Yep, a beautiful rendition. Souls in place. Hearts in place. No one's evil. That wasn't what I wanted to hear." He grinned, crooked a finger and coaxed. "C'mon... three little words to your very own green genie, and I can go downstairs and start ordering accent lamps."

Cordelia caught on, and smiled, leaning forward to kiss his cheek. "You were right."

"Oh. You were right." Angel smiled.

"And that's what I'm talkin' about." Lorne twirled in an about face, and slid down the hall. "I feel good, do -n-do-n- doo doo, I fee-eeeel good, and I knew that I would now..."

The door slammed behind him.

* * *

"Is this weird now?" Angel asked uncomfortably.

"Not weirder that usual." Cordelia tossed her hair, then slid out of her shirt. "And the weirdness gives us a nice imperfect feel, don't you think?"

"Oh. Uh-huh. Yes, it does." Angel's nether region gave a suddenly reawakened surge. "The reality kick definitely adds... something." He found it hard to talk when he looked at that stunning form. Harder still when she began to walk towards him.

"I was just thinking." Cordelia shrugged nonchalantly "We could probably get away with twice in a row. Just this once. Considering how _much_ hassle it's been."

"Mm. Maybe." He let his hand rest on her silky thigh. She moved it further in. _Temptress._ "You want to see see how imperfect looks from the top?"

Cordelia laughed and raced to the bed, her naked partner following her. He slid in on his back as she bounced in on her knees, kneeling above him. _Oooh, he has the bad boy smirk all the sudden. Makes me wanna ride him until I lose feeling in my legs. _She ran her hands up the broad, creamy chest, steadying herself.

_Ohh you are a wicked woman, Cordelia Chase._ Angel swallowed and watched her move over him, with that wretchedly hungry, sinful smile on her face.

_There's a little half dark, half light glimmer in his eyes. Never seen that before. Like he can't wait to devour me. Oh. Devouring can be very bad in this case._

Still, she laughed, reached over to the dresser and grabbed the heavy golden cross from the pile of crosses and other holy implements, and dropped the long chain over her head.

Angel winced as it swung near him, and then settled in as it came to rest between her proud breasts. "You know that's going to make it impossible for me to grab those without getting mild burns, right?"

"Oh, I know." She bounced them enticingly and watched a look of frustration pass over his face as she straddled his waist. "It's either this, or I can just undo this safety catch..." She touched the latch on her wrist.

"No! You heard Wes and Gunn. No friendly fire- to us or the furniture."

"So." She cupped her breasts, tantalizing him. "It's a look but don't touch deal. How annoying is that?" She grinned perkily. He tried to smile back. Then both smiles faded as they joined together, looks of concentration and desire taking over.

After a moment or two of positioning and getting comfortable, when baser pleasures released them enough to think more clearly, Cordelia reached down and caressed his jaw with one hand before her fingers locked with his. "I'm sorry it's not relaxed, that it's not better, that I can never make it perfect for you. I hope you know," her smile faltered, "that I would if I could."

Angel closed his eyes and let the feel of her warmth crest over him, warring with the faint unease brought on by the crosses beside him and above him. They skated on the edge of perfection, always, both of them in themselves as individuals, as well as together as friends, as lovers. Even now, in this moment, there was always some flaw under something so beautiful.

But it was better than anything he'd ever had before. "I have you with me. That's all I want. It's perfect enough."

* * *

_Thank you for sharing this glimpse into an alternate world, life on a different stage._

_Curtain._


End file.
